you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
