He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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