jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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