I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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