I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
