Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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