What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
