Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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