saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
