Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
