what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
