Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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