Apparently you make a good broom.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
