Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
