my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
