That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
