Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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