i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
