the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
