I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize