haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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