I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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