just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
