I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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