At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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