At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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