last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
