i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
