And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my being single is dangerous.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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