Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
