he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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