You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
