Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
