Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
