I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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