god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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