i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize