1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
