i think my mom watched the whole time
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
