First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
