I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
