either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
