Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
