You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
