Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
