Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
