Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
