As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
