she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
