hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wakey wakey hands off snakey
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
