Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
where does the pee come out of this thing
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
